Rewriting The Stars

Feelings are evil...Can I have mine surgically removed?

When we were children, we listened to the stories our mothers told. We wished so badly to be the princess, beautiful and loved by her people. We wanted to live in a tower, books and talking animals our friends. Hoping the prince would come, the hero who swoops in to save the day but as time went on we come to learn, the prince can't always be relied upon. You got left waiting in the tower, while the prince ran off and had his fun. So we climb down proud and strong, the heroes have left us to our own devices. And so we come to the realization, that a hero can be anyone, so we don't need the prince to slay the dragon, we're just as capable as any man. We are the heroes of the adventure, and we can write the story an our own.

I forgot about the goofy smile you bring to my face with a simple hug. I'm glad it's back. 

With eyes the color of the chocolate chips in the cookies we were eating, he watched me from across the table. Such an average color, his puppy-dog eyes, but I get lost in them on a daily basis. The warmth of his glance is enough to make anyone to feel at ease with him. It's no wonder I lose myself in them. I smile at him and look down, wondering what those beautiful eyes saw in me.

I might as well accept the fact that all I'll ever be is a background character in everybody's stories, the third wheel, the nobody in the group. Don't argue, don't apologize; you know it's true. I just needed to come to terms with it.

I'm calling out, but nobody hears me. Is anyone there? Does anyone care? Tears streaming down  my face, I can't do this anymore. I just want to be normal. I want parents that  don't leave. I want  friends who care. I want to be happy. Red lines trace over my wrist. I'm sorry, I couldn't stop myself. I needed it. Dark circles hang under my eyes. I haven't  slept in days, My thoughts keep me awake. The tears stop coming. I'm not sad anymore, just numb. This is worse  than sadness, though. My throat is raw from the crying and  calling. I eventually stop calling. Nobody's coming. The tears stop,  the calling out stopped,  everything stopped.  I gave up.

And as the tsunami hit, I look around for your beautiful eyes wishing to say goodbye as I knew this would be our last few minutes in this world. The wave struck hard before your eyes met mine, my last thought, "Goodbye, my love", forever silenced on my lips.

If I died tomorrow, how would you remember me? Would you remember me as the sweet happy girl you used to know or the quiet lonely girl you don't know anymore? Would you remember me as the social one of the group or the one who wanted nothing to do with anyone? Would you remember how happy we used to be together or how miserable we seem to be now? Would you remember how I let you go last year or how I chase you now? Would you mourn me like you did our broken relationship, by getting other girls to replace me, or would you fall into despair? If I died tomorrow, would you even care?

The thought of you makes my heart beat furiously and fills my stomach with butterflies. When you smile at me, a blush covers my face. I haven't felt like this in so long, since I was last with you. Do you see what you do to me? I've missed this...so so much.