Rewriting The Stars

The lies can't go on any longer. The love can't be faked anymore. I'm not perfect and I don't love you. I don't want to be alone but I never intended to go this far. I'm fucked up, but I'm sorry I hurt you. You didn't deserve that. But you needed to know.

Why is there so many songs about "true love" and "soul mates" but next to no songs about finding and mending yourself?  Self love is so much more important than "soul mates"  You can be your own true love. Why can't they make that a topic of a song?

I want to go home,  but I don't know where that is anymore. It's not where I stay the night. It's not at my parent's home. It's not in his arms. Where is it?

"I love you," he said. I smile at him in thanks, not replying. Confusion colors his face as he wonders why I don't return the sentiment as I have before. He voices he concern, "Why don't you say it back?" "How can I tell you that if I don't truly believe in love? I won't lie to you like that," I tell him, hoping he'll understand-hoping he won't be mad.

I still care even though you don't Apologies won't amend the pain or ease the guilt. I still care though I shouldn't I still care even though you've moved on. I still care though I supposedly moved on. I still care even though you want to hate me. I still care though you've hurt me tremendously, as I've hurt you. I still want you. I still miss you. I still love you. I still care about you...

How the kill yourself internally: Reread old messages between you and someone you used to be close to when now you are strangers.

His arms wrap around a girl's waist.  They smile brightly at each other.  He bends down and presses his dark, full lips  to her pale ones.  Happiness exudes from them as they embrace. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I wake up in a cold sweat.  The same dream, days in a row.  I can't get him out of my head, I miss him so much.  I roll over into the arms of a guy I vaguely know.  He's still sleeping, his bare chest peeking out from the sheets. I get up quietly and grab my clothes. I dress and walk out into the cold wind.  The sweat on my skin from tonight's activities,  chilling me even more so with the wind.  The moon is out and full.  I think about him and if he's asleep with the girl he loves.  I hope he is.  At least, then, he's happy.  One of us deserves to be,  even if it's not me.