Rewriting The Stars

Hun, I know your heart is bleeding right now and you don't know what to do anymore, but you can't give this up. This is all my fault, trust me I know, and it kills me to know how much I hurt you. I know it hurts, but you can't give up on us. We're far too close, far too infatuated with one another to leave each other again. To be separated once again, would kill us both. A few smudges on your name is what spurred me to call. Every other name was written in perfection, but only yours was unreadable. Maybe it was fate pushing me back to you. Fate saying we needed each other. Don't give up, sweetheart. I love you.

Nobody the betrayed Nobody the saint. Nobody the heartbroken Nobody the happy. Nobody forgives Nobody doesn't know. Nobody knows me better than I know myself Nobody knows I'm pretty a pretty face. Nobody misses me as I miss him Nobody possess me like an item. Nobody gave me the space I thought I needed Nobody thinks everything is okay. Nobody loves me Nobody doesn't know what love is. I loved nobody I care about nobody. ------------------------------------------ I wrote this in the style of the nobody poem in Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Magarget Stohl.

Promises were broken and love was lost. I was scared of love and you loved with all you had. I ran as fast as I could and you waited for me. I came back and now it's your turn to be scared of me.

Everyone acts like running away fixes things- like the problems won't catch up to you or hurt anyone that you left. I know now that it's selfish to run and leave everyone else confused in my sudden wake. It kills the ones left to pick up the pieces all by themselves. I'm sorry, I'm here to stay this time.

Who am I? Am I the stubborn girl with all the problems she was reluctant to tell? The girl who believed in love, but also in endings. The girl who was cold, but thawed her icy heart for one person. Am I the girl I was when I was with my prince? Or Am I the girl who makes everyone else happy? The girl who doesn't talk about love, because she doesn't believe in its existence. The girl who smiles pretty and tries to be a sweet angel to everyone. Am I the girl I am when I'm with my peter pan?

No matter how many guys i flirt with, talk to, or kiss you are always there in the back of my mind. I keep seeing your chocolate eyes, instead of the hazel ones I'm flirting with. I see your lips, rather than the ones I'm kissing. I see you no matter who I'm with. It's always you no matter who I convince myself I like- I love you. You're in my head, and I can't do anything about it. You're under my skin no matter how many times I deny it.

There are people who don't have pens randomly hidden in every room, every jacket, every purse finding them in the strangest of places like under your pillow, by the sink, in an empty bowl in the kitchen cabinet, sometimes even in a shoe  for the spontaneous ideas that must be written down at once.  There are people who don't wake up in the middle of the night, struck with inspiration, and stay up the rest of the night, writing their hearts out.  There are people who don't have random lines, that make little sense -except to the writer- written on their hand.  There are people who don't have their characters on paper haunting them. Butting into every thought they have, until the writer finished writing their story.  There are people who get sleep every single night with no thoughts of imaginary worlds sprouting in their heads, keeping them awake. They have no push from that magnificent imaginary word to stay up all night writing about the complex wor

The pretty parts are great and the masks you wear to face the public are amazing, but I'm not here to just see you as the person you use to hide yourself in. I'm here to find the you that hides. I'm here through your ups and downs, through your meltdowns and family pain, through your I-wish-I-were-dead days. I'm here to see the beauty in your flaws and all the perfections in your imperfections. Open up and let me help shoulder your sorrow. You can trust I won't leave after, for I'm not one for goodbyes. The pretty parts may be just that-pretty, but nothing compares to the amazing person the real you is. I love you, not the mask you wear, the real you.

I say I won't love you, but then I see your eyes and all my willpower and determination seeps away.

How can a heart so scarred and bruised, so cold and lost, how can a heart so broken love?

We lay so close, I can hear your heartbeat and mine, as they beat together simultaneously. Our hearts that beat so wildly, I fear they may burst from our chests to join together. Only to be closer to the other.

Smiles shine at the other and eyes tell of the emotions felt. Everyone says we're in love, but how can they know that if I'm not even sure.

I don't want to become merely a memory, an ink stain left on a crumpled piece of paper. I want to shine brighter than the sun and blind everyone who said I couldn't do it. Though it seems I am incredibly forgettable and invisible.

I'll sob and cry my heart out, drowning my sorrows in a gallon of ice-cream. But then I'll stand back up, wipe the tears from my face, put a bandaid over my heart, and move on with my life. You won't be the death of me, because you're not that special. I'll be okay without you.

Vodka burns my throat and your name hurts my head. But I'd rather be blacked out with a hangover, than stare at my hands, trying to remember what it was like to touch you.

Why didn't anyone ever tell me that you could be broken by the very one who made you whole in the first place?

As much as it hurt to lose our relationship, nothing hurt worse than losing you as my best friend. But in the end, i guess you felt our relationship was more important than our friendship.

As pointless as it is, I still look for you in the crowds at school - hoping to miraculously see you again. I feel like an idiot every time I do, but I can't help it. I need the hope I feel when I look. But the disappointment I feel when you're nowhere to be seen, I could do without.

He kissed my nose and told me loved me and this time he actually meant it. Smiles and pure love and happiness filled the air. Then I woke up... to you not talking to me. And the sky began to cry because everyone thought we would last, even me.

Out of the corner of my eye, a guy appears wearing a plaid shirt and ear buds stuck in his ears, oblivious to the world. My heart skips a beat as I quickly turn, thinking it's my love. Disappointedly, my heart sinks once again as I realize sadly, no, it was only someone who looks vaguely similar to him. Now back to scanning the crowds for him, as if the brief bit of false hope didn't cut me deep. I must really miss him to see him in random people.

I hate having a pen at 4 am when I should be asleep. because all I'm going to do is write about you.

Do you remember that day the sun didn't shine, the birds didn't sing, And poison rained  from the sky? That was the day  you wouldn't talk to me. 

Please, don't let me go to sleep crying tonight. Not again.

They say not to make homes out of people. And how pathetic am I, who made a mansion with your soul. I guess I can understand now why they say that, because I can't see you and I'm left feeling homeless. I thought I was going to live there forever, I guess forever is shorter than I realized.

I would love to dress to impress. *Cue all the hardcore feminist's gasps of disbelief. I love to hear him tell me I look adorable today and see hims smile as he looks at how cute I look in this outfit. I know you may call that shallow or tell me that it makes me a lousy feminist. But now it doesn't matter now, does it? I don't have anyone to dress up for or look good for at all. He can't see me and I can't see him except through a computer screen occasionally. He's too far away to see me in my heels and new dress.

You always say  I deserve the very best.  Not believing you are.  But you are the best.  You are all I think of.  You are perfect  without even knowing it.  You are all I want.  You.  You.  You. 

Hold me, I'm lost without you. Wrap your arms around my waist and don't let me go. Because it's always the same story: strangers then soulmates then strangers once again. I don't want to be caught in that again. So why don't we try to break that cycle and don't become strangers ever again. I've tasted nectar and I never want to go back to water.

CM, Things you should probably know if you love me: I'm messed up and complicated and I have many problems. I will keep them from you and you will be pissed when you find out that I hid them from you.  You won't be able to put up with me or my issues at times. Hell I barely can and it's mine.  I will break your heart multiple times. Because I don't know how to stay happy.  You will get hurt loving me no matter what.  Though I will hurt you I will never let you go without fight. I made that mistake once and it's never going to happen again.  I love you. I love you so much  but I don't deserve anyone as perfect as you.                                                                               Love,                                                                                       Me

I like the person I am when I'm with you...and that's a big deal since I am incredibly self-critical and self-loathing.

Falling asleep to your voice is the best cure to nightmares and restless sleep.

Never ask what someone's favorite candy especially if you care about them. When ey leave and break your heart, you'll never be able to eat that candy again without thinking of their beautiful smile and mysterious eyes.

They say to go after my dreams not people, but what if you're my dreams?

"Good people are like candles-they burn themselves up to give others light." I guess that's why the good always die young, they burn themselves up too much for people who would never do the same for them. 

I write with pen, because I’m afraid to erase the proof of us from this planet for good. I want to be your summer storm and your winter sun. I want to consume you until all we have left is this paper and ink to prove our being, until all we have left is this poem.

Your voice tastes like rain and your eyes strike like lightning.  I am both drowning and burning and I don’t know how that can be.

My head hurts and maybe it's from all the coffee I've been drinking to keep me awake because all I see when I shut my damn eyes to dream is you.

There was once a time that I wished for the day I would be able to look at your face and feel nothing, for I was afraid to love and lose you. Now I look at your face and hope that you aren't wishing to feel nothing when you look at me. Now I think of not feeling anything for you anymore, and it's like all the light disappeared from the world. Like all my happiness vanished into thin air. Now I wish for the day I can hug you as tightly as I can and see your beautiful smile once again. I guess I wasn't wishing hard enough to feel nothing back then, but now I am wishing with my heart and soul everyday to see you, to hug you again. I can only hope that's enough.

You are my everything. Don't say that I'm just one of your many others. Not when I have ripped my heart out of my chest and put it in your hands after hiding it behind miles of concrete walls for so long. Don't tell me I'm replaceable when you're the only person I want, when you're all I see. Please please don't tell me that I love you more than you love me. I can't handle that again... You are my everything Please say I'm your everything, too...

Everyone always says "If you ever need me, I'll be there." But when I do need someone, when I crying my eyes out in the corner thinking of bringing the blade out once again, when I can't find the motivation to get out of bed, when nothing feels right and all I want to do is cry and have someone tell me it's okay, nobody's there. Never. So how am I supposed to believe you when you say "Trust me, I'll be there no matter what. All you have to do is call.", but when I do call, you're busy or ignore the ringing? How am I supposed to tell you when something is wrong when you never listen for the goddamn ringing?

They say all things come to an end, lets hope this shit and problems will end. And I've heard things last longer than you'd ever expect, lets hope this happiness will last - maybe forever. Hope is all I have, it's what I cling to. Hope is what's keeping me alive.

What I need now is a hug not a 20 or a 'it gets better'. I don't need apologies for things that in no way concerned you. So don't tell me things will get better, because you don't know that for sure. Don't change the subject, this is how I feel and I want to talk about it. Just wipe my tears away. Help me forget what haunts me. Make me smile but please don't brush me away afterwards like everyone else. Hug me as tight as you can and don't let go.

I found a syringe under your bathroom sink and I fit it into the crook of your neck and tried to suck the sadness out of your throat but it overflowed and flooded the bathroom and swallowed us both alive. I know everything hurts but I saw you smile twice today. Maybe things will work out.

I’m scared. Because you’re everything. Fuck. You’re everything. Every stitch lacing up the holes in my skin, everything stopping me from cutting open any more. Every drop of rain hitting my cheeks so hard that the tears blur away. Everything bright in the galaxy. Everything that makes the world beautiful. Even though you don't see that, you are everything I love. Oh god it’s so beautiful when you’re around. I don’t know how to love someone with all of me because a lot of parts are missing but, Jesus fuck, I love you with all of me and more.

I know I wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I'm sorry I wake you each night needing comforting because my life was spinning to fast and out of control. I'm sorry I feel like my life is falling apart everyday. I’m sorry I make your head hurt. From the moment I met you I wanted you to be okay. Please be okay, because I can't. I’ll quit all my bad habits, if you stay.

You built a house out of the bad thoughts rushing through your head and I tried to burn it down but you got caught in the flames. If it’s any consolation, I like the way you look with the tips of your hair singed off. I’m sorry your mother won’t.

Alice went missing again off on her wonderful adventures away from the boring routine that is reality. If only I could tag along or go off on my own adventures to Wonderland. Imagine the fun I could have, imagine the people- the creatures I would meet. How much I would not miss this boring place they call reality. Gray skies, rude people, boring day jobs, and no fun at all. Not anything like the Wonderland with disappearing cats full of riddles, a mad hatter, a white rabbit pressed for time, an evil big-headed queen with an obsession with decapitation. Maybe one day I'll find Wonderland, but unlike Alice, I won't come back-ever.

My dear i know we are not perfect, far from it actually, but our broken pieces and rough edges fit perfectly together with each other's mending ourselves making us almost whole again. Our minds are two parts of a puzzle in a box of mixed up and random puzzles. We may not be perfect but we are happy and whole together. We are perfectly imperfect.

You were a dream  I could not forget. A dream that lingered in the back of my mind all day until I shut my eyes to sleep and re-lived the same dream once again- night after night. You are a dream that I don't want  to wake up from.

No matter what they say or what you want to believe, no matter what has happened to make your heart so cold and lifeless, a dead heart can still beat with the right person to love and be loved.

Maybe you light up my day.  Maybe you make me smile through the darkness in my head.  Maybe you make my stone cold heart beat again.  Maybe you woke up the butterflies in my stomach and make them dance every time you touch me.  Maybe I like you a hell of a lot more than I've let on but maybe I'm afraid to be close.  Maybe it's because I'm afraid to lose you. 

"Do you believe in soulmates?" My friends as every time we talk about you and me. Every time I'm faced with a difficult question I do not know how to answer in words they will understand. I like the idea of soulmates, though. The idea that someone, somewhere is made for me forever and that person just might me you.

She plays her skin like a violin, armed with a shiny metal bow.  She moves back and forth,  tone deaf as death.  The music has no beauty to show.  Passion is bled with no words said, for this song is just instrumental.  And when the girl falls down without a sound, she can't make it to the recital.